Confidence is skin-deep

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Wednesday July 6, 2011, Confidence is skin-deep. By Xandria Ooi:-

Putting an effort into looking presentable is equally important

ARE looks important? That is a question I get asked most frequently by girls interested to join the entertainment industry. The simple, no-frills answer is “Yes!” Your face is the first thing that people notice when they lay eyes on you. The human brain seems pre-programmed to receive a rush of pleasure from looking at something beautiful.

We are extremely partial to physically attractive people, sometimes to the point of being in awe of them. There are wildly whispered rumours that good-looking people are treated favourably, given more opportunities and perhaps even forgiven a tad more easily when it comes to mistakes. Some will nod in reverence, because beautiful people indeed deserve special treatment. Others will shake their head in disgust, envy or defeat about the unfairness of it all.

On the surface (pardon the pun), looks do seem to reign, but what many people do not realise is that looks have a competitor that can, at any moment, topple it off its throne. Confidence is by far, the more special of the two, simply because it is harder to acquire and does not wither away as time goes by. It is assumed that confidence comes part and parcel with being good-looking, but that is more a myth than truth.

Good-looking people may be more arrogant, but they may not be more confident. I have stunning friends who are neither arrogant nor brimming with confidence. A truly confident person has an aura that supercedes their looks. They are able to step up to challenges unfazed, because they do not feel insecure.

When we feel vulnerable, we tend to go on the defensive. We may appear unfriendly or unkind, as we do not want to show our weaknesses. A confident person has strength and the personality to influence yet is open and warm to anyone, anywhere and at anytime, as they do not have to make someone feel bad in order to feel good.

When you are confident, you will probably admire the talent and skills of others but not worship them, just like you will have empathy for those less fortunate yet not pity them, for you know that all human beings are equal. Confidence is akin to a growing organism because it keeps having to balance both strength and humility. As with any weighing scale, it sometimes tips in favour of one, and that is the main reason why true confidence is such a hard thing to acquire.

Looks are important, but confidence is even more important because it is the mother to self-esteem, faith in one’s own ability and the courage to chase after a dream.

We are all born the way we are. There is no use lamenting a flat nose or big ears — most of us are intelligent enough to understand that — yet we cannot help but feel conscious of something that makes us feel unattractive.

And there lies the secret — there is a huge difference between looks and attractiveness. Attractiveness is a feeling, and ‘feeling’ is the most important thing for a human being. There is little point in having a great face and body but feeling unattractive and down in the dumps.

Unless you are willing to go under the knife, you cannot change what you have been born with but you can certainly work on being attractive. Many people seem to have the perception that being attractive is something that you either have, or you don’t. That is not true.

Some people in this world are lucky enough to roll out of bed looking perfect, but please note that they are the minority. Many people whom you find attractive have to put in some work to look that way. What that means is that there is some hope for us to look as good as the person next to us — we just have to know what to do.

Here are some tips to looking good, and feeling good:

*Put effort into styling your hair.

People compliment my bob, and they seem to think it looks perfect all on its own. The truth is, I have to blow-dry it every time I wash my hair for it to fall like it does. It takes me a minimum of 15 minutes to do my hair every morning with the help of three to four styling products. Your hair is something that can change the way you look. A good haircut can enhance or camouflage your face shape. The same goes for guys — they look hotter when their hair is styled right.

*Take care of your skin.

This is something that my mother has been saying to me since I was in high school. Some people are born with luminescent skin, but if you are not one of the lucky ones (like me), you will have to take the time to search for skincare products that your skin responds well to and save enough money to purchase them. Whenever you get lazy with your skincare routine, just think of your friend or colleague whose skin you envy and that will keep you on track.

*Please use make-up.

Now, I understand that we all want to look ‘natural’ and ‘effortlessly good’. What we need to know is that there is only the impression of looking effortlessly good. The truth is, the majority of us look deathly pale and slightly messy (and I am not talking about the sexy out-of-bed kind of messy, because that takes a whole lot of hairspray) without a stitch of make-up. When a photo shoot calls for a ‘natural’ look, I know to expect a long time in the make-up chair. Ironic, but looking natural takes a whole lot of expert blending for the face and eyes. Please know that using make-up is not vain. It is a surefire way to look instantly more attractive. At the very least, put on some lipstick or blusher before you step out of the house.

*Please don’t use too much make-up.

There is such a thing as too much. Make-up is supposed to enhance your looks, not cover them. Check out YouTube videos for make-up tutorials or inspirations, there are professional make-up artists who give great lessons on how to create different looks for different occasions. Practice makes perfect so don’t get dejected if you don’t get it right the first few times.

*Don’t be lazy.

There is no secret potion in making you gorgeous in an instant. It is a combination of time, effort, money and the discipline of exercise and eating right to looking good, and it is a never-ending routine. No effort, no gain.

At the end of the day, it is about pleasing ourselves. Looking good lends us more confidence, and that is the only reason we should make the effort. Not for other people, just us.